Pixie

If you are intrested in knowing a sure fire way to become self conscious instantly, cut all your hair off. It works like a charm. I am currently in month 3 of sporting a pixie and in month 2 of the holy cow what was I thinking, must grow out process. Its not so much that I dislike the cut, its actually kinda cute and really hassle free there is only one small problem and that my dear friends is that the second your hair is gone guess what??,,, yikes, you can see your face. Really, really see your face and at 31 maybe its not such a good idea to chop the entire 13 inches off all at once... it might be less traumatic to ease into the style like you do a whirlpool that's way to hot- an inch at a time. There I sat some 3 months ago ready for a change, an actual style that didnt involve rubber bands and massive amounts of frizz ease. Ummm Im thinkin chin length I tell my talented stylist. "ok we can do that she says with a half grin. "you know", she says "you would look great with a really short cut, you have the face for it." Really? I say,, hummm images of Hallie Berry fill my mind...really? I repeat. "oh yeah, you have a great face for it." Ok done, do it. and with that the sound of scissors filled the salon. After a cut and style I turned around to see a girl staring back at me in the mirror that I had never seen before, well I am defiantly no Hallie but I was ok with it, I actually felt sort of sassy-sexy. I paid the stylist way too much and walked out missing what has sort have been my trademark since elementary school. My long sometimes curly sometimes straight locks have been a source of pain and of promise in my life, weird how something that is actually DEAD just hanging out on your head defines how you feel about yourself. I can vividly remember the very first time I felt ugly, I was in 5th grade and it was all thanks to my huge curly out of control hair. A boy whom shall remain nameless was the absolute love of my elementary life, come to think of it he remained to be the boy of my dreams until a dark handsome boy with dimples captured every ounce of my attention with baby blues that made me truly crazy. (thank you Luis.) "your hair looks like pubes" the boy I wanted to marry and live with in bliss forever said. Sorry folks I know that's brutal but those are his words not mine. From that moment on I hated my hair, and I spent the next 10 years of my life desperately trying to tame the mane, and it got ugly everything from pantene to mayo has been in these lovely locks. In 12th grade I got a relaxer and sad to say I have been relaxin ever since. I still havent come to terms with the curl and most likely never will. Is it because of boy with the dirty mouth? not any longer but it definitely didn't help. Just a few months before my pixie cut I had several people stop me in random places to compliment me on my thick "beautiful" hair, so what do I decide to do? the obvious,, wack it off. Now I sit here in the midst of a pixie grow out which is not a pretty sight,, think macy grey but not a rock star just a regular stay at home mommy in jeans. I have learned something during all this though, and that is that although I really want to be one of those women who doesnt let things like hair and flawless skin consume them I simply am not. I need to feel pretty, I need to have makeup on when I go to the grocery store and I need a little hair on my head to let down at the end of the day. Shallow? Maybe but really who isnt a little superficial.